This semester is going to be much more difficult than I imagined :(.

For one, I’m really not into it. Without going into much detail, I realized last year that this degree was definitely not for me… and I’m pretty close to finishing it. If I can muster up some will power that is! It’s so hard to keep going back when I’m not intrinsically motivated to do so! My usual “MUST GET As AT ALL COST” brain is living a more lackadaisical motto: If you finish, people won’t judge you. Anyways long story short I am ridiculous amounts of busy. I actually cooked up something really yummy today (I will do my best to replicate it later this week) and was just so ravenous that I seriously could not wait 5 minutes to take some pictures of it.

Now for some bad/shameful news. I had to break whole 30 while I was out of town this weekend 😦

There were literally NO – NONE – ZERO options for me in this particular scenario… so I tried to eat as healthy as I could. That is until Saturday night rolled around and my parents (who were also in on this conference with me and are also supposed to be following whole 30) decided to throw in the towel and trade it for a chocolate bar. My mom totally lied and said it was dark chocolate – I could tell by the wrapper it was a Caramilk from the vending machine. Mother dearest, you forget I am a University student and can tell junk food wrappers from their shiny glint in the florescent lights a mile away. Anyway, my parents are both old and have a gigantic host of health issues (my mother is a diabetic. Let me repeat that A DIABETIC) sooo I decided – screw this. If they actually need to follow the damn diet and can’t be held responsible to put nutritious food in their face holes, why should I even bother trying? I realize this is a terrible attitude but I was just so angry! It’s silly, what they do shouldn’t affect me but I guess I got irritated that we were all supposed to be making an effort together. Anyway lesson learned: do the damn thing yourself.

As it was, the weekend was extremely stressful and tension filled – I cracked big time. Like a bag of nuts (seriously probably enough to fill a small peanut butter jar), a dark chocolate Aero (disgusting. I think I liked the idea of it and then when I actually ate it I felt very ill thanks to my clean eating habits), a box of gluten free granola bars, gummy vitamins, a protein shake… Really it could have been worse – most people binge on pizza and chips! I even declined dessert at our fancy pants gala dinner at this gorgeous club in the mountains (some kind of apple crumble with ice cream and caramel sauce – that my dad slurped back like a shot. Seriously. After bragging about how he had given up bread. *eyeroll*) and was doing generally okay…

And then came the Brazilian steakhouse. For those of you who have never been… GO. It is a carnivore’s dream! For a set price, the gauchos (servers) will bring you the most amazing, tender, prime cuts of meat and carve it off at your table for you. This is meat that has been slow roasting over a charcoal fire all day by the way. There were ten cuts (let’s see if I can remember them all) : rump steak, garlic steak, top sirloin, bottom sirloin, rib eye, pork tenderloin, pork sausage, chicken wrapped in bacon, chicken thighs and a lamb leg. I’m pretty sure I had animal fats running down my chin but we tried every single one and then had more. Disgusting/Sexy. This was my belated birthday present to D – it was supposed to be after my whole 30 but I thought that since I had broke it, I might as well just let him have his dinner and start clean. I kind of want to keep the 30 running as long as I can and the poor guy has been waiting for ages! Still doing okay … until they brought around the dessert cart. We had some kind of chocolate moussey business to share between the two of us and this was my fatal mistake. I felt like absolute garbage all day today because I am simply not used to sugar! I mean, for a long time even before whole 30 I had no refined sugars at all so this was a complete shock to my system. I felt hung over all day and just had a terrible headache. Blech!

So back to normal today. If I’m truly honest with myself, I probably wasn’t doing a very proper version of the 30 anyway as I snacked on nuts – a LOT and used fruit as a dessert. And as embarrassing as it is for me to admit that I broke AGAIN (although this time it really wasn’t my fault. I couldn’t exactly not eat Thursday – Sunday) I am so much more determined to stick it through this time. If anyone out there would like to give it try, do it with me!

I’m a bit terrified to weigh/measure myself after the meat explosion yesterday so I’ll do that tomorrow. One new habit I will be adopting is that I’m going to photograph every single thing I eat on my phone as a food diary. This includes any kind of snack, just a bite here, a dip of mayo there – EVERYTHING. I’m hoping this will guilt me into staying away from the nuts and seeds I love so much. Just thought I’d post a little update as my entries are going to be sporadic at best…

Hope you all had a responsible weekend 🙂

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